I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
