I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
