But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize