I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
