He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I skipped work to stalk him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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