someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
