I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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