she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize