I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
