Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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