Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The air taste purple.
Randomize
