So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize