It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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