I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
