my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
