i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
