took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
