this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
