Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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