Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
