I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just tell him i said nine months
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
