Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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