Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
