my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize