2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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