So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
