Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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