You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
