We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
