life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
