i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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