everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize