We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
