I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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