Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
