Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
