I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
