the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
