Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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