dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
