We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
