I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize