note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
