Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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