I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
