The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
