he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
