Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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