i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
