If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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