Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
