Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
