Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize