I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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