I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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