i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
