i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the day after is always just damage control
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
