I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
