Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my vagina is haunted
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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