3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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