Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
there is glitter all over my balls
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
