she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize