If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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