I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
