Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
