i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
