why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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