New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize