Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
NoShamevember. You game?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
