the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do herpes really smell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
