He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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