God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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