At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
time to smoke my breakfast
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
