I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize