just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
