there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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