Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
