been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
