dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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