I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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