I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
