I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
