I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
