i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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