shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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