I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
