Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
