Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
