She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
