i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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