Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
