There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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