girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
