just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize