Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
