Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
