I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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