Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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