Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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