Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just cut my nipple shaving
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
