it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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