Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
