First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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