It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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