I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
