what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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