like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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