my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ttyl tear gas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
