A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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