I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
