she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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