I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
