You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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