pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
