i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
