i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
