Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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