Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
