If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
